Post 2 of until I get my stem cell transplant
Song of the day: Even If – MercyMe
Verse of the day: […] and who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this”
Esther 4:14
If it is not already known, I am a Christian. Meaning I have a personal relationship with God, Jesus is my Lord and savoir, and I have the Holy Spirit living in me. I don’t like to say I am one group of Christianity or another, as I know that regardless Christianity is a relationship between yourself and God. The Bible is the word and the word is Jesus.
This morning I was reading out of the book of Esther. Many people know the story of Esther vaguely Christian or not. But for those who do not – here’s my quick summary:
There is a King Ahasuerus who rules over this huge Persian area decides that he wants to throw a celebration lasting half a year. At the end of the celebrations he commands the Queen Vashti to come to be shown off to the province leaders. She refuses and King Ahasuerus throws a hissy fit – then his court advises that he de-thrown Queen Vashti and find a virgin, “someone better” to be the queen. The king, in his anger, listens to his advisory along with decreeing that all men are the masters of their own households.
The King also declares that all provinces send their most beautiful virgins so that he may choose a new queen. Enter Esther here and the uncle who raised her Mordecai; both of whom are Jewish. Mordecai tells Esther to hide the fact that she is Jewish for her own safety. She is chosen to be the next queen because the King likes her so much. Mordecai stays out of the Kingdom gates and is able to save the King overhearing a coup by the men of the court; message delivered via Esther.
Fast forward, Harman – one of the king’s close advisers – wants to hang Mordecai. They will not bow before the king and his royal subjects. He wants to hang Mordecai and has a decree that all Jewish people be slaughtered. Esther risks her life and tells the King she is Jewish and asks for an appeal to the law. The King is appalled by Harman’s doing but cannot revoke his decree because of some weird law back then; but he could decree another law that the Jewish people may fight back the genocide/purge Harman’s law. This ends up saving the Jewish people in all of the provinces.
Now, I left out a lot here and there’s definitely me condensing the story. If you want to read the full story it is only nine short chapters in the old testament. So why is this story important?
I feel as though a lot of people take this story to say “be like Esther” but that is not the case. People in the bible are not there to make us want to be like them, they are there to point to Jesus and God. Something Jesus is trying to say here is that even in extreme circumstance, there is only one true God, follow him and stand strong in your faith in him. Maybe you were placed where you are now for a moment like this.
So reading this and seeing the bravery, faith, and high stakes of dying, I can’t help but be reminded that even in the worst of times, God can use you. Jesus will never lead you wrong and is sovereign over all things. The tricky part is having that “faith of a mustard seed” type of trust in him.
This is where I struggle sometimes, because I have personally been afflicted with a mast cell disease. Insurance finally denied my stem cell transplant a couple weeks back. I am now sending off letters to appeal to them; I will likely start getting sicker and dying soon if I don’t get this covered. Knowing this, in the iconic words of Esther:
[…] If I perish, I perish
Esther 4:16
I have contentment in my heart about the appeal to insurance, but that doesn’t mean I am not scared during this process. I would be the first for mast cell activation to get a stem cell transplant. There are a handful of people that would benefit or even have their life saved if I am able to be the “lab rat” so to speak and survive this. Given I honestly should be dead right now (heart failure, chronic kidney disease, RA/lupus-like/auto-inflamatory/immune arthritis, adrenal failure, anaphylaxis more times than one can count, lung failure, high blood pressure, beating sepsis twice, bone marrow failure and mast cell disease to name a few). The hospital is almost like my second home. I can’t eat without risking the use of an epipen. I need a new immune system. I am not finished yet. I relate to this verse so differently now.
If I perish, I perish.
but also; maybe I was placed here for such a time as this. I get the stem cell somehow, and it not only saves my life; but others who suffer severely. I can proudly and boldly state that my healing is from the Lord. And if I die, my story still preaches and glorifies God’s name for what can be learned from my illness. This is my testimony.
The Sleepy Chemist 